Global Warming is a threat that none of us can ignore anymore. We have all been thinking about what we can do to save our planet from disaster. Here are some innovative solutions that came up in a conference we held to address the issue.
Poison Ivy (of Batman fame) method: Through genetic engineering, or perfect accident in the lab, all humans shall be turned into part plant, green creatures. Then we can get rid of our own emissions when we photosynthesize our nutrients. This will also remove the necessity of eating, freeing up all the agricultural land.
Government of India method: Cut off power supply for about 18 hours a day (except in VVIP and VIP areas). Ban generators and inverters. Automatic reduction in emissions.
Political Parties of India method: All parties will take turns to announce nationwide bandhs and chakka jam or rasta roko aandolans for at least 3 working days every week. This will cut vehicular emissions to at least half their current value.
Rupert Murdoch and Yash Raj Films method: Create ‘feel good’, optimistic content for the audience to watch. Remove all references to ‘that which cannot be named’ from films, television and every other form of media. They’ll slowly forget about the reality outside. If it’s not shown in the films or on television, it doesn’t exist.
Jehadi method: The whole world will be taken over by us and we will take everyone back into the glorious medieval age with outdatedlaws and no modern technology (except for AK-47’s and IED’s for our cadres). That will be the end of global warming, because it is only Allah’s wrath at your ungodly ways that caused this mess in the first place.
George W.Bushmethod: You are either with us, or you are against us. If you are against us, we will bomb you back to the Stone Age. Since most of you are against us on one issue or another…problem solved. No more Global Warning. No more coyote conferences. (Note from Cheney: Mr. President meant global warming and Kyoto conference.)
Al Gore method: Make me president of the United States of America.
Hitler Method (The Final Solution): There are more than 6 billion people in the world now, there are bound to be problems. However, there are only about half a billion pure blood Aryans and about a billion bastardized versions. Let’s kill off the sub-humans. That should reduce emissions to 25% of the current levels. Sigg Heil!
Richard Nixon method: This is the day for which we are all building up our nuclear arsenals. Bomb the bloody commies in Russia and China! They’ll retaliate. Full scale nuclear war! Muhahaha! When the dust settles, humanity will have been decimated and the nuclear winter will cancel out global warming.
Ozzy Osbourne method: Sit back and relax. This is the moment we’ve been waiting for. When global warming creates Hell on earth, the Prince of Darkness will arrive and lead us to salvation. If you haven’t been sinful enough, now is the time to start. I can tell you about satanic rituals if you want.
Top
