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By Anant Singh
I have had the good fortune of being born in the right place at the right time in all of my lives (except this one…this one sucks, my past lives were way cooler). In my past lives however I served in a Panzer regiment under Rommel in North Africa. I was one of the Navratnas in Akbar’s court, and I was also present for both Christ’s Sermon on the Mount and Buddha’s first sermon in Sarnath.
Apart from all these exciting experiences, I also ended up attending some of the greatest parties that ever were. That is what sucks the most about this life. There are no great parties going on anymore. For this reason I think this life is the worst I’ve had so far (apart from the one in which I was an MI6 agent and got caught and interrogated by the KGB).
Reminiscing about all the great parties I’ve been to over the past few millennia made me want to compile a list of the 10 Greatest Parties in History (in no particular order). Read and be jealous of the cool past lives I’ve had. So what if this one sucks?
The Big Fat German Wedding: We Indians have the biggest wedding celebrations in the world and no one can claim that their wedding was bigger than the star studded, designer gigs with choreographed dance sequences that we have today. However, Crown Prince Ludwig (later Ludwig I) of Bavaria and Therese of Saxe-Hildburghausen would beg to differ. Their marriage in October of 1810 was the biggest wedding of them all as a whole nation celebrated with enough beer to drown the British Isles. It is still commemorated today in the form of the annual Oktoberfest in Munich (if you drink beer and don’t know what Oktoberfest is, you should kill yourself).
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Rock Around the Clock: When the three day rock concert on a ‘pig farm’ in New York State, was organized, no one could imagine that it would go on to become the defining moment of a whole generation and ideology. Five hundred thousand people attended this celebration of Peace, Love and Harmony that we now know as Woodstock 1969. The ultimate symbol of Flower Power and the Hippie generation with all the sex, drugs and rock’n’roll was definitely one of the greatest parties ever.
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Largest Religious Party: We are not talking about the Muslim League here. I am talking about the great celebration attended by millions of people every time it occurs.
The Kumbh Mela. As Marx rightly stated, religion is the opium of the masses. And boy! We Indians just love to get high on it. It’s an orgy of devotion, ritual bathing and appeasement of the gods. And with so many Shaiva sadhus around, the cloying smell of a certain herb permeates the air. This is definitely one of the biggest celebrations in history, and growing.
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High Tea: I don’t mean the snooty British affairs involving royalty or nobility.
The Boston Tea Party was where American revolutionaries threw a lot of tea into the ocean as a declaration of independence from the British and their crummy imports. It wasn’t really a party as we understand the term, but it was a celebration of freedom and hence, one of the greatest parties in history.
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‘High’ Priest’s Parties: Digging deep into the recesses of history we stumbled upon Ancient Egypt and the Kemetic cult. This cult which was very popular among the common populace of Lower Egypt revolved mainly around the cat goddess Bast. Since Bast was the goddess of sexual pleasure and marijuana as well as the protectress and a fertility deity, the ceremonies dedicated to her involved burning ‘incense’ (consisting mostly of cannabis) and loads of sex (mostly cunnilingus). The Kemetic Ceremonies for Bast were truly the original Woodstock (without the rock’n’roll…though there was ceremonial chanting).
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God of Small Drinks: A little later in time and a little to the north-west of Egypt, the cult of Bacchus (the Roman equivalent of Dionysus) was prominent. The festivals dedicated to this god of wine were called the Bacchanalia and involved consumption of liquor and various other activities which led the prudish senate to pass a law against them. Initially the Bacchanalia were open only to women, many feminist bisexuals would be proud of those ancient revelers. Later, men were also invited and it became more open, in all senses of the word.
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The Greatest Welcome Back Party: Closer home, at an undefined time, a Prince once returned home from fourteen years of exile in the forest. Incidentally he had also defeated a powerful king from the south before he returned. The people had been eagerly awaiting him as he was God on earth, after all. Ram’s homecoming saw the whole of Ayodhya lit up and decorated. The whole city was celebrating the return of Maryada Purushottam ram. We continue this tradition with our own festival of lights, Diwali. (Note: I don’t care if you think it was totally mythical…it still was a great party!)
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Horsing Around: The Trojans rejoiced at a supposed victory when the Greeks, who had sieged their wonderful city, retreated. They drank and they reveled and they paid homage to the gods. They even accepted the wonderful horse that the Greeks had left at their gates as a gift. In fact they were so drunk that they did not realize that the horse contained the heroes of the Greek army who went on to destroy the entire city and turn defeat into victory. But the Trojan ‘Victory’ Celebration was a great party while it lasted. (Note: See note above.)
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The Original Playboy: We know him as a great politician and philosopher, as avenger of injustice and as the embodiment of God on earth. However, in all his divinity we forget to consider the best of them all, The Playboy. Yes. Krishna really knew how to party. Long before he settled down into married life with his 1608 wives, he used to party hard with all the gopis in Madhuban. Using his Divine nature to his advantage he made a whole posse of PYTs believe that they were dancing with Him. He really knew how to party and the Raas Leela proves it. (Note: See note above the one above.)
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Communist Party of India (Marxist, Leninist, Maoist…Whatever!): Well…this wasn’t really one of the greatest parties in history (not even close), but all the others I’ve been to are too personal to put in print for your voyeuristic pleasure.
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